I don't really know of a good starting point for this post so I'll just jump in with a little background.
Age: 3 My parents got a divorce
Age: 6-10 (ish) I dealt with sexual abuse from a "step" family member, and when I shared this information my biological father chose to deny me and continue his life with his new family.
Age: 3-15 My mom's boyfriend was heavily addicted to drugs (i.e.. marijuana and cocaine) and because of this he was physically abusive towards her in front of me.
Age: 14 I started smoking, drinking, and smoking marijuana.
Age: 15 A boyfriend raped me against my pleas to stop, and I never told.
Age: 17 I was kicked out of my moms house.
Age: 19 I moved to TX and continued to "party".
Age:20 I met Aaron.
Age: 21 I was introduced to church and was shown God's love for me, and asked Him into my heart.
Age:22 Aaron and I got married.
(I think this is enough background to help with the understanding of this post. )
About 3 weeks ago a new bible study was started with the non-denominational ladies bible study I've been attending. We started "The Living Room Series~ Nehemiah" by: Kelly Minter, this study has/is touching my life. During the first week Kelly Minter asks us what breaks your hearts? Then proceeds to ask, what doesn't break your heart but should? I've been struggling and searching for answers to these two questions, I mean of course homeless, orphans, and the elderly are on my list but I know/feel God is preparing me for more. So last night at out church's small group one of the ladies from my bible study was talking about those 2 same questions and what she has discovered about herself. Then a lady shared her testimony of rape, teenage pregnancy, marriage(s)/divorce(s), drugs I was so touched and moved by her story. She then proceeded to say the thing that changed her life for the better was a stranger telling her that Jesus still loves her. That is so true and amazing. While driving home Aaron and I were discussing the events on earlier in the evening and I started talking about this woman's story and how she came back to God. I then proceeded to tell Aaron I am amazed and just realized God knew me before I EVER knew him. I then began to rehash all my childhood problems and how I was so lost and all along I've always said my mom got lucky I turned out pretty good (I think.) but last night I began thanking God because yes, my mom did get lucky but in all actuality I am the lucky one!! God chose me to do something and I went through those trials as a child to become one of His children and now I need to glorify Him and thank Him.
So, what doesn't break my heart that should? People that are having the same trials as I once did and will never know Him! So now I want to change the world and shout "the good news" from the rooftops. But I am going to pray as Nehemiah did and wait for God to show me what this plan He has had for me all along so I can make a difference to glorify Him and share His good news!
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